Mom’s Growing Pains

Two female acquaintances see each other in Shop-Rite. Their eyes lock before filling with tears. Their brains register with the same thought, the same realization, the same sadness. They are mothers. Their children have just graduated 5th grade, leaving the younger part of childhood behind. As the kids experience growing pains, the mothers are too.
People tell us all the time to enjoy the kids while they’re young. We do. And as much as we want to absorb EVERY FIBER, EVERY MOMENT of their childhood, it’s impossible. There are too many and our brains just can’t do it. Besides, absorbing those moments won’t bring them back. That’s life.

But I wasn’t prepared for the pain this part of motherhood brings. The natural progression of my children away from me is immensely painful just as being with them, watching them, is exquisite. The pain is always present, of course. Most of the time I’m able to push it away along with other painful truths like the inevitability of death. The pain of growth becomes acute again on every birthday, theirs or mine, as I realize we’re moving toward some excruciating farewells. [Read more...]

My Mother-in-Law, My Stylist

My mother-in-law plans to retire this year. The feeling is bittersweet…for me. Come June, my unsolicited, non-compensated children’s fashion stylist will retire. Since my pregnancy announcement nine years ago, my mother-in-law (MIL) unofficially appointed herself my future children’s fashion stylist, an appointment I simultaneously enjoy and shamefully resent.

When my MIL found out about my pregnancy, she surprised me by taking me shopping for maternity clothing. From the first time we met, we bonded, and she has always been extremely generous. Our complementary personalities deem us friends, a rarity with many in-laws, so this new, fun activity just bonded us more.

All throughout my pregnancy, my MIL showered me with baby clothing of various sizes and neutral colors plus blankets and other necessary baby accoutrement which culminated in a baby shower. Once we confirmed on my husband’s birthday that our first child was, indeed, a girl, she flooded us with beautiful pink and purple outfits and countless adorable dresses fit for a future fashion plate. Washing the items before our baby girl arrived; I grew more delighted and excited to dress up my living doll. [Read more...]

Feeling Blue

I’m feeling a “Midnight Surf” type of blue to be precise; as in the official new color of our home, having finalized it only a few days ago in the form of a significant deposit to our siding contractor. While it was money we parted with, it felt more like an emotional transaction, both relieving some of the burden we’ve carried for so long due to all of our renovation challenges, and adding more with all the careful planning and intricate decision-making now facing us.  

But with all of this excitement, why do I feel a little blue? Is it because this transaction represents our sacrifice – what it took to get here, what we may have lost along the way? Would I still feel this way even if someone (anyone?) handed me a blank check and said, “Fill this out for whatever you need![Read more...]

Two Years and a Jedi Master Later

This August marks two years that we’ve been out of our home, displaced by a renovation we hoped would only take 8 months. Not so. Is it ever? We’re in a holding pattern at half-complete. Sorry neighbors, left and right, and across the street who just moved in, and 2 doors down trying to sell!

We moved to Red Bank with big dreams, into an affordable 2-family, century-old home. Two  children later, we break ground to renovate. I remind myself it’s about the journey, not the destination. Well, truth be told, my husband reminds me. As often as he needs to – which is very often. While this isn’t his ideal, he’s more comfortable with the uncomfortable. Me… not so much Dora the Explorer. I’m a prudent and pragmatic planner. I balance the checkbook, dot the I’s and cross the T’s. And every day I wonder, “How’d I get here?” 

[Read more...]