When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, one of my first purchases was an ‘I’m a big brother’ tee-shirt for my son B.  I bought a few big brother books, too, including a cute one called “Mail Harry to the Moon.”  When I found out my second child was going to be another boy, I was very excited that I was going to have two little boys- brothers- who would be only 27 months apart.  My husband and his younger brother are also two years apart, and they are very close.  I was hoping the same for my boys.

As we neared N’s due date, I bought each of them presents to give to each other in the hospital: a stuffed monkey for N, and wooden trains for big brother B.  When N was born and B visited us in the hospital, he was not interested in his little brother.  I was not concerned.  Once we got home, the indifference continued for the first week or so.  Once my husband went back to work, however, and I was alone with two boys, my son started complaining about his baby brother.  Every time I sat down to nurse N, B would start demanding something.  Even if I tried to anticipate every need he could possibly have and take care of it before I sat down, B would still request something, then throw a fit when I could not get up to help him.

As N got older, B’s complaints escalated.  When N started sitting up and reaching for toys, B started having meltdowns.  I had never needed to discipline B or give him time-outs until this point.  B was repeatedly hitting or pushing his brother, or taking away toys.  I felt like I was spending much of my time yelling at B, putting him in time-outs or consoling a crying child.  I was stressed.  I tried to spend as much time with B as possible when N was napping, and my husband had alone time with B, but it did not seem to help.

Now I really began to worry.  Were my beautiful boys ever going to get along? [Read more...]