My Mother-in-Law, My Stylist

My mother-in-law plans to retire this year. The feeling is bittersweet…for me. Come June, my unsolicited, non-compensated children’s fashion stylist will retire. Since my pregnancy announcement nine years ago, my mother-in-law (MIL) unofficially appointed herself my future children’s fashion stylist, an appointment I simultaneously enjoy and shamefully resent.

When my MIL found out about my pregnancy, she surprised me by taking me shopping for maternity clothing. From the first time we met, we bonded, and she has always been extremely generous. Our complementary personalities deem us friends, a rarity with many in-laws, so this new, fun activity just bonded us more.

All throughout my pregnancy, my MIL showered me with baby clothing of various sizes and neutral colors plus blankets and other necessary baby accoutrement which culminated in a baby shower. Once we confirmed on my husband’s birthday that our first child was, indeed, a girl, she flooded us with beautiful pink and purple outfits and countless adorable dresses fit for a future fashion plate. Washing the items before our baby girl arrived; I grew more delighted and excited to dress up my living doll. [Read more...]

Reassurance to Anxiety: A Few Easy Steps

Anxiety is a four letter word. Not something anyone that I know of enjoys. Unfortunately, I am prone to anxiety attacks like a Persian cat is prone to furballs. Recently I haven’t been having them but one attempted purchase at a new vehicle later and game on!

My husband and I are in dire need of a vehicle. We have one minivan that has seen better days and it is showing it’s age in the tires, slipping transmission, engine light that likes to pop up here and there plus a bounty of other symptoms. It’s always a crap shoot as to whether we will make it to our destination without breaking down.

After depositing several children at different activities and relatives homes one lovely Saturday, the husband and I headed over to our local dealer to check out the offerings. We were greeted right away by a very eager, sweet salesman. He asked us our interest, took some information and showed us a used but sweet minivan. I fell in love. The love was lost when the dealership told us the prospective price.

Five hours later we agreed upon a price per month that was outside my comfort level but do-able. We left with the new minivan but with an appointment to come back to sign the final paperwork. [Read more...]

You Don't Have to Put on the Red Light (the workaholic edition)

Memo to Self

Re: Your Weekend Work Problem

Date: Today (is the first day of the rest of your life)

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Dear Me: (oh dear, oh dear, me) You need to stop thinking it is OK to work every single weekend. It is making your symptoms of burnout worse. And the crankiness – oy vey!

No, we are not talking here about the normal “work” people do on the weekends – you know, grocery shopping, folding laundry, changing light bulbs, maybe going to Home Depot, Target, taking the kid to soccer and getting the car detailed.

We are talking about the work. Don’t pretend like you don’t know what we’re discussing here. In this house there is a home office, and you were in it for most of Saturday. Working. On work stuff. (If you are reading this, you are most likely in the office, again. What the hell?)

Listen – we know know you are a freelancer. The upside is that on snow days you can manage, sort of, when the kid is suddenly home. And you can work in sweatpants. And we know that you can’t change the fact that your editors spent most of Saturday emailing you, and that because your cell phone happens to be a Blackberry, well, you couldn’t help but look to see what that little flashing red light meant.

[Read more...]

Order Online, Pickup in Store (My Search for Toddler Snow Boots)

Last night I was scouring the internet for a pair of snow boots that my 3-year-old would not hate…for the 4th or 5th time this winter. We didn’t have a pair for the snowstorm we just had, and her leather ankle boots really didn’t cut it for warmth, dryness, and safety.

I had checked out Clarks (our go-to store for kids shoes) and a few stores at the mall, but many of them are too stiff for my daughter’s taste (she’s the kind of kid who FREAKS when that seam on the sock isn’t sitting in the right place; I’ve heard of people who have to buy seamless socks because they can’t handle the sensation). The ones I bought last year from Land’s End were way too stiff, almost like putting on a ski boot. Of course, she threw herself to the floor screaming and kicking at the torture of it. [Read more...]

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

“I can’t host that day.”

That is all my email says. I think of follow up details like, “My husband has to work from home that day,” or “We have work being done,” but so far there does not seem to be a need for details. A good lie is simple and a simple omission of details does not quite feel like a lie. It does not seem to feel quite true either.

I come from a strong line of liars. Most lies were told without malice or self indulgence. Instead, lies were meant to cover up what was worrisome or unseemly. As a child, I knew what to lie about pretty early on. Family matters were to be kept in the family and airing your dirty laundry to the whole world was not only forbidden, it was down-right rude. This kind of hard line on privacy can make it difficult to form intimate relationships with anyone, even with myself. Even now I struggle for balance on the tightrope of truth or tattle tale, worried that I might fall off into open forum oblivion. I am not pathological, just particularly private and guarded. [Read more...]

Distressed Clothes? Why?

In her 12/19/10 column for The Star-Ledger, the brilliant Kathleen O’Brien wrote about the current trend in home furnishings toward “distressed” furniture or items purposely stained, dented, worn down, and denatured.   Her writing reminded me of the recent propensity for some people to dress in “distressed” clothes.

My anguish regarding “distressed” clothes comes from a childhood where we didn’t have a lot of money.  We weren’t poor; my mother just didn’t believe that kids should have designer clothes.  Adults dressed in name-brand clothes; not kids who would outgrow fancy duds in three or six months.  Mom would hem and let out hems, add fabric to pants that were too short, and patch rips.  She’d do whatever she had to so that our clothes appeared if not new, at least nice.  [Read more...]

A Totally Awesome Christmas Shopping Night

I’ve been wanting to get out for night of Christmas shopping at Macy’s since the beginning of December, when Monmouth Mall started a promo giving out gift cards if you show your receipts from the mall’s stores.  And I do love free things! It was from December 1st to the  15th. This same 2-week period in my life consisted of 4 days of traveling to north Jersey because of a death in the family, 1 quick jaunt into Connecticut to meet up with friends from Wisconsin, 3 holiday parties, 2 days of illness (1 day of puking for me, and 1 for my daughter),  2 work deadlines, 1 power outage that ruined a precious block of work time during which I actually had a babysitter, and 1 ruined computer that has slowed down my work from then on (and a partridge with a broken wing in a rotting pear tree).  As usual, I digress.

The stars aligned (aka, children went to sleep easily, husband in good mood following homemade meatball and provolone sandwich) and I made it out on the last night of the promo. And now I shall brag about my loot: [Read more...]

There's a sucker born every minute

It was Six’s birthday (which means I’ll have to call him Seven hereinafter). And with all of the tree nut, peanut, dairy, gluten and soy allergies, it seems the only thing a parent may send to school is pure cane sugar with some hydrogenated oil and red dye Number whatever.

Despite my aversion to this selection, I didn’t want Seven’s birthday to go by without an in-school moment of celebration. So after confirming with an assistant teacher, we sent him to school on Monday with snack packs of Nibs and a bag of lollipops. Something in every food group color.

When he arrived at home that day, Seven had an impressive story to share about offering two lollipops to a classmate instead of a lollipop + nibs, because Seven wanted to be sure that Nine would get a pack of nibs. I thought it was sweet Seven was concerned for Nine, sweet that the classmate agreed to give up his nibs and sweet that Seven rewarded said classmate with another lollipop. Sweet all around, you see.

So when I noticed the bag of lollipops in his backpack that evening and noted that there were some remaining – I did not check to see how many there were and did not remove the bag of pops from the backpack. I think, I was sort of curious to see what Seven would do with the remaining inventory. [Read more...]

Feeling Blue

I’m feeling a “Midnight Surf” type of blue to be precise; as in the official new color of our home, having finalized it only a few days ago in the form of a significant deposit to our siding contractor. While it was money we parted with, it felt more like an emotional transaction, both relieving some of the burden we’ve carried for so long due to all of our renovation challenges, and adding more with all the careful planning and intricate decision-making now facing us.  

But with all of this excitement, why do I feel a little blue? Is it because this transaction represents our sacrifice – what it took to get here, what we may have lost along the way? Would I still feel this way even if someone (anyone?) handed me a blank check and said, “Fill this out for whatever you need![Read more...]

Checking In

He grunted as he pulled up his pants, slid his belt through pant loops, buckle clanging. I hurried to zip my boots while balancing a laptop against the counter with my left hand.

Undressing in the airport… coats, belts, shoes removed hastily and just as quickly put back in place… it’s par for the course for travelers.  On one recent excursion I snapped a picture of a sign that hung above two chairs announcing a “Recombobulation Area.” 

I travel periodically for work and always find myself amused at this intimate dressing and undressing among strangers.  Grateful for any security measures that might keep us safe, it poses particular challenges when traveling with business colleagues.  It is no longer a secret that I wear sweat socks over my tights, under my snazzy leather heeled boots.  Way to ruin a second impression, I remember thinking the first time I de-booted with the boss… and swore I’d check travel schedules to avoid the same mistake in the future. [Read more...]