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Updating My Stay-at-Home Mom Status

February 24, 2012 By 13 Comments

I’m bored.  Flat out, no holds barred bored.  I’m tired of the daily doldrums, let alone the winter ones, which constitute my life.  Although I knew this day would come, I’m still surprised that I feel this way.  From the time my husband B and I discussed our future together which most definitely included children, I knew I wanted to raise them full-time. After working full-time for 17 years, my mom stayed at home with my sister and me until I was around 11.  I intended to follow in her footsteps.

I speculated about having a third child (see “Occasional Thoughts of a Third”) and decided against it after a great deal of soul-searching.  I’m 40 now, afraid of the heightened autism risk and am far enough away from the working world that I’m worried I’ll never return.  Don’t feel insulted if you’re over 40 and just starting a family – I never formulated a career before I gave birth to my daughter E at 30, and I’m the product of older parents (mom, almost 35; dad, almost 42 upon my birth).  If my career ever ignited, I’d probably have started my family later, but I ended up having E smack dab in the middle of the mothering years, slightly older than the average first-time mom. [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, Humor, M. B. Sanok, Mind-Body-Spirit, Work-Money

A Mile in his Shoes

January 2, 2012 By 3 Comments

It’s getting near dinnertime and once again, my house is a wreck. I haven’t touched the dishes or made the beds. I’ve spent most of the day in front of my laptop at the dining room table which is covered with water bottles and coffee cups, my daughter’s library books, half folded laundry and a bowl of clementines. My little girl sits at the piano now, complaining about having to practice. The cat, who I took to the vet today, is curled up nearby on a rocking chair. I can’t remember if I brushed my teeth this morning.

It’s just a typical day. Frustrating and pleasant at the same time. There are moments, walking my daughter into her classroom in the morning, when everything feels right in the world. Sometimes I even leave the school and go to the gym before starting work, but usually I’m filled with such anxiety about how many things need to get done, domestic and professional, that I simply race back home.

Outside now, the clouds are moving across the sky which is tinted pink and grey. I can hear the trees blowing in the wind. My to-do list is miles long and it is almost time to sit down to eat. Once again, my husband is not yet home, which means I am facing dinner time, finishing piano practice and the dreaded bath time/bed time/story time onslaught by myself. But for this one moment, with the peacefulness of my (mildly) whining kid and my sleepy cat nearby, the clouds outside and the smell of dinner – it is rather cozy. [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, Theta Pavis, Work-Money

There’s a Place for Us: Nursing in the Workplace

September 30, 2011 By 2 Comments

Photo Credit: Photobucket

Due to my children’s spring births, I spent two summers of my life with an infant burrowing into my chest.  My limited choice of clothing consisted of short-sleeved cotton t-shirts with a rotation of maternity overall shorts because, beyond my usual summer perspiration-drenched state, I accessorized with a sweaty baby clamped to me.  Thick, polyester nursing bras ended up soggy; flimsy, cotton ones collapsed under the weight.  I ended up wearing cheap, supportive and easily accessible sports bras.

With each child, I nursed for six months which felt comfortable and suitable.  Breastfeeding is a very personal choice, and, besides, I was afraid of teething!  One thing I do not regret is working away from home during that time.  I imagine I risked destroying expensive work clothes or failing to find easy to manage post-natal wear with an emphasis on nursing.  What a superficial concern!  However, I applaud and marvel at any woman who either had to work and/or wanted to work while they nursed.  Had my career trajectory or financial state led me to stay employed within the corporate environment, I wonder, would I have chosen to nurse?

All this pondering resulted from my husband telling me about his company’s efforts to provide a mothering room for their employees.  The private room contained a comfortable chair and table near an outlet as well as a small refrigerator.  Sounded pretty ideal for a working mother until I read that the extremely large work facility with multiple buildings and thousands of employees only housed two rooms.  My first thought: how will one woman hoist not only a breast pump but lug a cooler packed with milk? Would the rooms be convenient enough to quickly pump and return to work without much disruption? I never fully realized how stressful and complicated working and nursing combined could be.  Were there better alternatives or was this it? [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, M. B. Sanok, Mind-Body-Spirit, Work-Money

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up

September 5, 2011 By 4 Comments

People are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up. As a kid, I never understood why. As an adult, I know there are a few reasons: 1) We’re curious what the kid’s course of study might be. 2) We want to offer advice on how to become whatever their goal occupation is. 3) We have no idea what else to talk to the kid about. Most of the time I thinks it’s #3.

As I come to another crossroad in my life, I’m facing that question: what do I want to do now. When my kids’ schools begin, for the first time in five years, I’ll have “nothing” to do between 8:30 a.m. and 2 p.m. I put quotes around nothing, because I’ve got a list of household items a mile long, from cleaning closets to more blogging to minor but long-neglected physical check-ups I didn’t want to haul the kids to the doctor for.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: MomsCrayon, Uncategorized, Work-Money Tagged With: ,

Just Being Me

July 27, 2011 By 6 Comments

With the exception of two six-month leaves of absence after the birth of each of my children, I am fortunate to have worked since the day I graduated college.  During this time, I have changed jobs but they have been strategic steps forward in my career and I just recently celebrated my eleven year anniversary at my current job.  Looking back, I never made a conscious decision to continue working after the children were born.  Instead, due to very convenient circumstances and a very flexible office, I was able to take time off with my newborns AND return to work with a flexible schedule.

Eleven years later, my newborns are 7 and 5 years old, my office schedule is still very flexible and I could not be happier.   Happier that is until the summer months, when I am having lunch with my co-workers at a local eatery.  Of all places and times, it is here that I sometimes question my decision to return to the office.

Sitting contentedly with my adult lunch and adult conversation (which ironically mostly focuses on our children), any mother and child/children is almost always seated at a table nearby and catches my eye.  Sometimes “she” is smiling and laughing with her adorable child. She cuts her child’s food as the child is deep in animated conversation. They both are relaxed and completely engrossed by each other.   Other times “she” is fuming and frazzled and seems about ready to pull her hair out.  Her child is standing on the seat whining for a change in food options with food smeared all over her face.  In fact, sometimes “she” may have two or three with her. Regardless of her demeanor, it is during these moments that I often feel a twinge of regret for missing out on both the good and dreadful moments. [Read more...]

Filed Under: CentralJerseyWorkingMoms, Family, Work-Money Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

All Too Many Choices are Yours

April 11, 2011 By Leave a Comment

My husband finds this one commercial for birth control disturbing.  It shows a woman and friends of indeterminate yet child-bearing ages wandering around a fancy boutique, gleefully smiling and trying to select what’s next on the path of life.  One woman picks up a beautiful, dollhouse-sized home to own.  A stork confronts the lead woman with a choice she dismisses.  Ultimately, she selects the Eiffel Tower representing a trip to Paris.  What aggravates my husband is the implication that choosing a family is carelessly brushed aside like it’s beneath any modern woman until it’s almost too late.

Part of me agrees with him, but I understand what the ad conveys.  My problem with the ad is the very depiction of the women.  They’re absolutely joyous with the freedom and array of choices, but I believe that most women, while relieved and liberated by choices, also feel stressed, pressured and confused about what path to trod on in the maze of life. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, M. B. Sanok, Mind-Body-Spirit, Work-Money Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mom Wars?

March 30, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Now, while I tend toward dwelling on the positive, I’m also a realist. I understand we don’t all get along all the time. I am sure somewhere these stories of warrior women ring true. I do watch Real Housewives after all. But I have lived in two different states and four different neighborhoods as a parent. I have worked out of the home. I have “stayed home” and I have worked from home. I have blogged as a wide-eyed newbie and I have been around long enough to be considered seasoned in this new arena. I have been on every side of the potential arguments, living among women from every other side and never, not once, have I felt like I was at war.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Cristie Ritz King, Education, Family, Mind-Body-Spirit, Work-Money Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Confessions of a Slacker Mom……

March 25, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Am I proud to be a “slacker mom”?   I am not sure; maybe a bit guilty, but not enough to want to change.  That sounds right.

I work full time, I only have one kid (who is really amazing and easy), and I still have a full time Nanny, as well a housekeeper that comes in twice a month.  My husband does the laundry (if the Nanny hasn’t gotten to it first) and he takes care of the lawn, and in general straightens up the house and fixes whatever needs fixing.

I go to exercise class about 5 days a week, get manicures and pedicures regularly, the occasional facial, of course hair coloring and assorted “restorative hair” treatments, and after a major trade show I will work in a massage.

Is this bad?  I earn a living so I can have these things in my life and still take care of my family.  Should I feel guilty? [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Guest Blogger, Work-Money Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Brokenhearted by a Bauble

March 11, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I’m a cheapskate. I admit it. I just don’t – can’t – fritter away money, even small amounts, on whatever catches my eye. I’m constitutionally unable to (unless it’s made of chocolate, of course). In pondering my frugality, a friend once said it was as if I were born at the wrong time; I would’ve fit in perfectly during the Depression, greedily hoarding my food stamps and salvaging soap scraps. Sad but true.

I’m usually perfectly comfortable in my flint-skin, but I do have to fight my nature a little bit when it comes to teaching my kids about money and sensible spending. My husband has long since quit rolling his eyes when he catches me picking up the phone at 11pm to check my bank account because I can’t resolve a 10-cent imbalance in my checkbook, but I have grown more self-conscious about my penny-scrimping behaviors when I feel those impressionable young eyes on me. I feel like I’m right – perfectly right! – in my efforts not to waste our precious financial resources but I really wouldn’t wish my own borderline-obsessive mindset on anyone, especially my offspring.

Rolling into the checkout line at the supermarket the other day, my daughter (who, like every kid ever confined to a shopping cart, I’m sure, always spies at least three things she can’t live without as we roam the aisles) hooked a finger around a shiny beaded bracelet. I don’t even know what the thing was doing near a grocery conveyor belt – may have been some fundraiser item or another – but she scooped it up and her eyes went wide. Its plump beads were smooth and bright yellow, painted with a happy pattern of flowers, and its stretchy fit hugged to her slender wrist like a long-lost friend. I unloaded English muffins and yogurt strips (which, p.s., I had driven out of my way to this store for because they were on sale!!)  and shook my head. She twirled the bracelet, searching for a price tag and finally implored me that it was “only 5779!”

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Deanna Q, Humor, Work-Money Tagged With: , , , , ,

Mom's Rite of Passage: The Elmo Party

March 7, 2011 By 3 Comments

I just went through a rite of passage for many mothers of young children: the Elmo birthday party. With birthday girl turning 2 and her older sister at 3 and a half, it seemed we were in that window when the girls were young enough to still enjoy him but not so young as to be scared of a 5-foot, big-headed, bright red monster. It was a family-friends-kids party.

There is a huge variety of websites that show you how to make your own Elmo-theme party goods, if you really want to get into it. Since a live Elmo was to be the main entertainment, I didn’t want to invest too much money on licensed party goods or the time and energy to create stuff with Elmo on it. Party décor consisted of: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Darla, Family, Work-Money Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
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