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For Better or For Worse, My Breasts

May 17, 2012 By 5 Comments

My OB/GYN suggested that my mom get tested for the BRCA gene, and if they discover she carries it, I would get tested next.  If I tested positive, then I would need to consult with my doctor about what options would eliminate and/or lessen my risk for developing breast cancer.  Many of the options are gruesome, time-consuming, expensive or traumatic and add to my anxiety that I could either lose my breasts or face cancer.  After observing my mother suffering from and surviving breast cancer twice, I decided that if I contracted breast cancer I would simply endure a double mastectomy and get rid of the two time bombs hanging from my chest.  But now, presented with the possibility of this insidious gene, I’m worried about losing them.

When the suggestion was first made, I nodded my head and pretended I’d heed the doctor’s advice.  Being under 40, I was still considering thoughts of a third, so I dismissed undertaking such a test.  Besides, my mom was in her 40s when she had breast cancer – a few years of my third decade remained, so I felt temporarily safe.   I considered that the possibility of carrying the gene was low since none of the women on my mom’s side ever developed breast cancer even though a few never had children, smoked, drank and were overweight.  Her cousin, who shared double the DNA, since their mothers who were sisters married brothers, never developed it, either.

I sailed through the rest of the day, concerned about a rash my son had and looking forward to meeting with my book club.  When I thought about the testing, I casually considered the results without much emotion.  Big deal – a test cannot determine my fate! However, after other minor snafus took place, I erupted into cursing and tears, realizing a simple blood test could determine it.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Awareness, M. B. Sanok, Mind-Body-Spirit

This Pink Town and A Colorful Memory

May 5, 2012 By 3 Comments

Where I live, you won’t step foot out of your house this weekend and not see pink. It’s everywhere.  Signs. Lawns. Ribbons. Doors. Awnings. Our beloved crossing guard donned pink from head to toe. Even a bright pink line is painted down the center of our main road. 

This week, we call our town Pink Bank, not Red Bank.  And it’s helping to shape what we believe and what we can do about breast cancer. Presented by Riverview Medical Center, Paint the Town Pink aims to build awareness for the importance of an annual mammography. Their mantra, “early detection is a woman’s best defense against breast cancer.”

I learned this lesson another way.

Two years ago, our small school community lost a dear friend, dedicated mother and a committed community member. Like that pink line, she stood out. You saw her coming. She eminated light and color and love. You can still feel her spirit throughout the hallways of our small school and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Months prior to her passing, she sat at our school’s annual Mother’s Day Tea and bravely recounted for the entire room her personal story; how she had missed three years of mammograms “accidentally” – because her schedule was so full and she simply “forgot”. She spoke and every mother identified with how easy that can happen; to simply forget about making that appointment.

I recall how what she did was actually a gift. She urged everyone listening, to listen carefully. And react. I saw her a few weeks later running errands, looking healthy and happy. I was glad to see her well and seemingly, on the mend. I thanked her for the inspiration to make my very first mammagraphy appointment. I’m glad I thanked her. She passed away a few months later from her battle with breast cancer, leaving behind two beautiful little people to carry on her spirit, her color and her love.

So. let’s Paint the Town Pink. And more importantly, let’s make our mammography appointments, Ladies. Learn more about early detection and education.

This is an original post by Teicia Gaupp, JerseyMomsBlog Founder, who just made her second annual appointment for her mammography and vows to pay close attention to her medical schedule.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Awareness, Education, Mind-Body-Spirit, Teicia, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Haircuts Come But Once a Year

April 26, 2012 By 3 Comments

Maybe I’m lazy; maybe I’m cheap, but I only get my hair cut once a year.  I never intended to make this a steadfast pattern — it just happened.  And it’s not that my hair resembles an untamed squirrel’s nest after said year – usually it grows out long and thick, naturally highlighted by the sun with a few covert strands of white and gray but unmanageable.  When I start using a scrunchie (oh, no! fashion faux pas!) in order to pull up my hair into a ballerina bun or ponytail; or when I go bohemian and pluck a once bright, now faded, bandanna to hold back my chestnut waves, I know I’ve reached my breaking point.

Usually, my once-a-year haircut falls around October, after a summer of stretching out scrunchies, breaking headbands, saturating my hair with sun, surf and chlorine and enduring split ends and sweaty strands glued to my cheeks.  After many personal consultations about my hair’s future, I’ll decide to wear it up all summer and chop it off come fall.

Without question or complaint, my husband B generously forks over the dough.  After a year, he probably enjoys the idea of greeting a “new” wife.  Even my mom will send an unsolicited check for hair rejuvenation.  I make an appointment at a nice salon and relish getting my hair washed with lush products I’d never purchase and pull off my glasses, awaiting my transformation.  Usually, I request a chin-length bob, and the hairdresser will grill me several times to make sure I won’t leap out of my chair in a panic over my lost locks.

Two months before I gave birth to my son J, who undoubtedly would pull hair and did, I voluntarily allowed a hairdresser to chop off 13 inches of hair.  Never before had I taken such extreme measures with my hair except when I streaked it with purple mascara.  The salon participated in the Locks for Love program which uses about three ponytails worth in each wig, and I loved the idea of my hair helping out a child with cancer or another detrimental disease.

The next year I visited a stylist who interrogated me several times before ascertaining that I definitely wanted a drastic haircut.  An extreme cut awarded me freedom and possibilities to be a new me again.  Liberated from excessive hair, I felt as daring as Madonna!

I also looked forward to another person scrubbing my hair and savored the unintentional head massage with sweet-smelling, luscious potions.  Since all the split and ragged ends were snipped, my hair appeared silkier and bouncier.  It alluringly swept across my neck, and a few salon staffers requested to touch my hair which seemed strangely flattering.

Managing my hair has always been difficult.  When I was a child, I hated when my mom would try to comb out my hair after washing it.  Pulling out the tangles tortured me, so she kept my hair short which looked ugly and boyish.  In the sixth grade, all my friends started using a curling iron, but I feared burning myself and managed the iron like I manage sports equipment – like I’m going to throttle someone rather than win the game. [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Humor, M. B. Sanok, Mind-Body-Spirit

What My Kids Teach Me, About What I Should Teach Them

April 24, 2012 By 9 Comments

 It’s not only the faulty and frenetic parts to life that teach us. If you look closely, there are essential lessons to be had in the milder moments. All you need to do is pay attention.  A recent spree to our favorite local park reminded me of this.

  1. It’s not enough to be cute as pie to other people. (You’ll forever look this way to your Mom.) You must love yourself. Find what you love doing, and do it. And that will make you shine inside and out.
  2. [Read more...]
Filed Under: Family, Mind-Body-Spirit, Teicia Tagged With: , , , ,

The Hard Limits of Marriage

April 12, 2012 By 8 Comments

Think These Two Know About Hard Limits?

I recently read an, um, enlightening book trilogy called “Fifty Shades of Grey.” In a nutshell, the story is about a woman who becomes entangled in an S&M relationship. One of the ideas explored in the book is the concept of “hard limits.” In the context of the book, a hard limit refers to sexual behaviors that a person will absolutely not engage in – in short, a deal breaker.

The book got me thinking about the hard limits my husband and I have established in our marriage. No, not those kind of limits…this is a family friendly forum, people. Besides, I don’t kiss (or tie up or smack with a riding crop or anything else) and tell. But after almost thirteen years of marriage; one or two or a thousand fights; and a fair amount of negotiating, we seem to have come to an overall understanding of the roles and responsibilities each of us is willing to take on, and those things that are, well, not exactly hard limits but not quite at the top of the list of things we want to do.

And, in fact, we’re still learning. Last night I came home from running the kids around to their various activities to a sink full of dishes. My husband was home during this time, after work hours, but the dishes went undone. I’m not good at hiding my irritation, so as soon as the kids were in bed, he asked what was wrong.

“Did you think those dishes were going to wash themselves?”

We bickered a little back and forth, him justifying how he spent his time, me annoyed that this particular area of responsibility always seemed to be completely out of his line of vision. Until, finally, he confessed:

“I hate doing the dishes. I just don’t want to do them.” [Read more...]

Filed Under: Christina Surretsky, Mind-Body-Spirit

Take Advantage of Volunteering

March 23, 2012 By 1 Comment

There I sat, six years ago, in a noisy TGIFriday’s with a bunch of moms.  As I delved into a chocolate dessert, the other MOMS Club moms started discussing how they needed a new club Secretary and couldn’t find anyone.  A woman in my playgroup giggled and overtly pointed to me.  Earnestly, they asked if I would volunteer.  So began my new life as a MOMS Club volunteer — all because a new friend suggested me.  Volunteering would unearth stashed away aspirations and introduce me to new ones.

After joining (and fleeing) a way too religious moms’ organization, bidding a sad farewell to my neighbor/friend who moved away and discovering my daughter E had autism, I broke down, reached into my purse for a wrinkled, lint-coated slip of paper and joined MOMS.  Since then I made many friends, grew out of my reclusive ways and refreshed and developed my job skills.  Giving back to the wonderful outlet that offered me so much support and friendship was a priority.  Writing the newsletter inspired me to express myself on paper and the cyber waves of grain, but I wanted to personally help other moms in the organization, so I volunteered to review chapter websites and then graduated to overseeing chapters.  Stay-at-home moms can flourish in their role with the support and camaraderie of a club like MOMS, especially if they move to a new, unfamiliar area; do not have a strong support network of friends, neighbors and relatives; and need a reason beyond grocery shopping to leave the house.

As Secretary, I attended meetings, took minutes, maintained the roster; wrote, edited and compiled the newsletter.  Since I really wanted to take charge of it, I’d secretly hoped that there’d be no takers for this position.  Back in college, I’d been an editor for the school newspaper and felt I’d been handed a golden opportunity.  Following the website reviewing position, I advised several chapters on legal, financial and human resource-type issues by referring to the parent organization’s by-laws and my own chapter experiences.  Sometimes, the presidents would need someone outside of their club to discuss their chapter issues with – issues could be controversial or difficult to resolve, and I tried to act like a friend as well as adviser.  I felt so elated when I really helped someone like finding a lonely mom a local chapter or clicked with a new mom who could become a friend or even future colleague; in turn, I felt so utterly awful when I either couldn’t help or had to lay down the law and disappoint or anger the chapter in question. [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Awareness, M. B. Sanok, Mind-Body-Spirit

When Non-Irish Eyes Are Smiling

March 14, 2012 By Leave a Comment

My daughter E wanted to hang a green shamrock on the front door for St. Patrick’s Day.  Since we are not the least bit Irish (I’m 100% Polish; my husband B is ¾ German; ¼ Slovakian), I never bothered to hang one.  When March arrives, I usually search for spring or Easter-themed decorations and enjoy the brightly colored flowers and happy, hopping bunnies.  However, E kept insisting we needed a shamrock – she’s very keen on holiday decorations, so B brought one home.  “It’s for the kids!” he responded with child-like enthusiasm to my blank expression.  It didn’t bother me to decorate for St. Patrick’s Day or that money was spent on a sparkly, Kelly green shamrock – it just never occurred to me that the kids may want to celebrate even though we don’t have Irish blood running through our veins.

Come to think of it…they’ve expressed interest in Cinco de Mayo and Chinese New Year, too.  They both love examining maps and figuring out where countries are in relation to America and New Jersey. How ridiculous for me not to encourage the kids’ interest in other cultures and taking advantage of what people call a “teaching moment.”

Both my parents’ relatives emigrated from Poland back in the early 1900s, and my mom grew up in a household where Polish was spoken by the grandparents who raised her.  She knew all the traditions, a few Polish expressions and occasionally cooked traditional Polish food.  My maiden name which I write under is a town in southern Poland, and I’ve joked that I’m descended from a Polish line of royalty.

When I was a child, I remember foolishly telling my mom that I wished I were Irish.  She looked at me like I’d slapped her and told me never to be ashamed of my heritage.  Ironically, I was surprised when I found out I wasn’t Irish.  I grew up surrounded in Irish culture, spending time with my half-Irish cousins in an area where several families claimed Irish ancestry including most of the friends I made.  Most of my parents’ close friends were Irish, and my mom always cooked a traditional Irish dinner on St. Patrick’s Day of corned beef, boiled potatoes, cabbage and carrots.  A loaf of Irish soda bread, baked homemade, sat on the counter, ready to be eaten.  I simply assumed we were somehow Irish.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Awareness, Education, Family, Holidays, M. B. Sanok, Mind-Body-Spirit

Spring Training

March 2, 2012 By 1 Comment

Spring has almost sprung, and we’ve decided to stay home.  Now that wrestling and football are over, my son J will take a break from organized sports until August.  For the past few years, J played T-ball and soccer during the spring to keep him busy.  Since he expressed little interest in learning to really play baseball, i.e., catching the ball and hitting a ball pitched to him instead of hitting it off a tee, we’re not pursuing any spring activities for him beyond CCD.

Many times, I wonder if we’re displaying good judgment in letting J run free.  Shouldn’t he be kept on a schedule for the entire year? We really didn’t see the point, especially since the weather will get warmer and the prospect of the outdoors more alluring.

Several of his friends will participate in T-ball, but we’re around the corner from the main field and can easily catch a game.  For J, T-ball was merely a social occasion to goof off with other kids and see his friends from school.  He liked wearing the hat, swinging the bat which we feared he’d use as a weapon, and the possibility of a treat from the snack bar.

When J didn’t even blink after informing him that he wouldn’t be playing T-ball, I knew we did the right thing.  It wasn’t the money – it was the time, commitment and J’s current disinterest.

Many reasons arose in supporting our decision.  He needed to learn how to tie his shoes which we neglected to explain, practice and review.  Over Labor Day weekend last year, he learned to ride a two-wheeler and neglected to practice.  School, sports, and the end of Daylight Savings interrupted the time when he could.  Our family room needs desperate attention, and my husband B wants the time and tax return to put in hardwood flooring (don’t get excited…it’s the kind you snap together), paint the room, buy a modern TV that doesn’t cut off the picture and replace our sagging futon couch which we uncomfortably slept on in the early days of cohabitation.

Although J absolutely loved participating,  the intensity of twice-a-week strenuous practices, weekend games and/or matches for football and wrestling that began bright and early and required a more strict commitment, kept him busy and tired.  He needs a spring break. [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, M. B. Sanok, Mind-Body-Spirit, Sports

Updating My Stay-at-Home Mom Status

February 24, 2012 By 13 Comments

I’m bored.  Flat out, no holds barred bored.  I’m tired of the daily doldrums, let alone the winter ones, which constitute my life.  Although I knew this day would come, I’m still surprised that I feel this way.  From the time my husband B and I discussed our future together which most definitely included children, I knew I wanted to raise them full-time. After working full-time for 17 years, my mom stayed at home with my sister and me until I was around 11.  I intended to follow in her footsteps.

I speculated about having a third child (see “Occasional Thoughts of a Third”) and decided against it after a great deal of soul-searching.  I’m 40 now, afraid of the heightened autism risk and am far enough away from the working world that I’m worried I’ll never return.  Don’t feel insulted if you’re over 40 and just starting a family – I never formulated a career before I gave birth to my daughter E at 30, and I’m the product of older parents (mom, almost 35; dad, almost 42 upon my birth).  If my career ever ignited, I’d probably have started my family later, but I ended up having E smack dab in the middle of the mothering years, slightly older than the average first-time mom. [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, Humor, M. B. Sanok, Mind-Body-Spirit, Work-Money

The Funeral Will Not Be Televised

February 21, 2012 By 10 Comments

I’m on my way to San Francisco for a memorial service. It is impossible to describe the state of shock I have been in since learning of a dear friend’s sudden death. I sat in the airport for hours before takeoff on Saturday with Whitney Houston’s funeral broadcasting on every screen in sight. I sat alone, silent, listening to the famous friends, family, and preachers hailing her brilliance, her magic, her grace. I closed my eyes and let the gospel songs wash over me as I thought of my own friend—as vibrant, popular, and magnetic within our crowd as Whitney was in hers—lost so abruptly and much too soon.

Unlike Whitney, however, my friend’s memorial service (to paraphrase an outspoken social justice warrior like him) will not be televised. His name was Grif Fariello. He was a writer, a rascal, a raconteur, a crusader, a flirt, a rabble-rouser, a stalwart, a peacenik, a brilliant mind, a romantic, and a gentleman. I can hardly imagine a world without his great guffaw and the devotion he gave to his girlfriend of 12 years, one of my best friends on this earth.

This post is a short farewell to Grif. I hardly feel I have the words to do him justice. It wasn’t long ago that our group lost another of our shining stars, which I wrote about here. When I touch down on the ground—the hallowed soil of the Bay Area that still holds my spirit so firmly in its grip—I may very well sink to my knees to bid them both goodbye in the place that brought us together. Then I’ll journey on to where our family of friends will be gathered and do the only thing left to do … remember, and laugh, and give thanks for having known him.

This is an original JerseyMomsBlog post.

Filed Under: Deanna Q, Mind-Body-Spirit Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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