Maybe she is a terrible mother. Maybe that woman you see in the supermarket allowing her little brat to kick and scream and throw a temper tantrum is just clueless. Maybe that kid is spoiled rotten and just needs a little discipline. Maybe that mother should be court-ordered to sit down and watch Dr. Phil to pick up some parenting strategies. Maybe she is out of her mind for relenting and giving that little tyrant the lollipop he is screaming for. And what kind of parent lets their 7 year-old suck his thumb, anyway? Or maybe… just maybe… there is more to the story.
Maybe that mom, with her hair all mussed and her food-stained sweats, is just like you. Maybe she had dreams and visions of her child enjoying play dates, sitting down with her “mommy friends” enjoying a cup of tea while the kids played nicely in the next room.
Maybe that mom has seen all of the Dr. Phil parenting episodes and would give her left arm to be able to reason with her child and implement those positive parenting strategies she has read in the magazines.
Maybe her child has Autism.
The blessing and curse of ASD individuals is they physically look no different than neurotypical people. Those of us who are around it constantly can pick up subtle signs and are able to identify it rather easily. But to the average person, they look just like everyone else. Unfortunately, this fact breeds misunderstanding and, too often, judgment.
Autism parents still have to get the grocery shopping done. We still have to pick up the dry cleaning. We still have to go to the bank. All the while we are deeply committed to teaching our kids the life skills they need to live as close to a “normal” life as possible. Lessons in manners can only go so far in our home. The experts tell us that we need to teach these lessons in the real world in order for our kids to generalize what we are teaching them. Sometimes, to be blunt, those lessons go down the crapper. Sometimes we have to cut our losses and give in to the restaurant tantrum and let them order ice cream for dinner just to survive the meal, pretend we are a regular family, and not have to leave before the appetizer arrives.
In this, my first post, I humbly make one simple request: Maybe, instead of judging, ask that mom if she needs a hand carrying her groceries. Maybe just offer a simple gesture of understanding… a smile… a sign that the whole world is not against her. Maybe say nothing and just go about your day and offer a silent prayer for God to grant her the strength and inner peace to survive hers.
-For my wife. I love you.
Jerry is a Jersey Dad and also blogs at BaconandJuiceBoxes.blogspot.com. You can also follow him on Twitter @JTurning and on Facebook/pages/Bacon-and-Juice-Boxes.
This is an original post for JerseyMomsBlog.
