It’s Back

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The other night, I ate chocolate while lying flat on my back. Before you TLC producers contact me to appear on the next season of My 600-lb Life, please note that this is due to a back problem, not an eating disorder (although I concede that experts might disagree). At the time, I thought it […]

Swap P%rn

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I hate stuff. I hate my stuff, and I hate your stuff, too. My dream home is a teepee. Or at least one of those tiny houses <250 square feet where our kitchen island is our dining table is our platform bed is our dog crate. When we invite friends over for movie night, we’ll […]

Good Humor: Confessions of a Joke Wh%re

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When you dream of your child’s future, what do you see? Rocket scientist? Brain surgeon? Leader of the free world? While those all sound pretty great—I share your enthusiasm—there’s another parental fantasy I’ve been secretly indulging: comedy writer. I can trace the early roots of my reverence for humor back to Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In. […]

Sister Wives (Without the Mister)

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When my son’s soccer coach called from practice, I figured I must be late for pickup. Instead, our conversation went something like this: Coach: Kai and Evan collided during practice and he’s complaining that his ribs hurt. Me: Which one? Coach: Which rib? Me: No, which kid? Coach: Your son. That’s why I’m calling you […]

eMOMicons

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Given the modern family’s busy lifestyle, who has time for words? If you want better communication with the kids, just text, tweet, or Facebook these emoticons for moms: eMOMicons. Finally, your kids will get the message. Look at Me When I’m Talking to You (  ‘}<<< {‘  ) Watch Your Language (>_<)#!% Go to Bed […]