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Tara Spinelli

About Tara Spinelli

Tara is a proud-of-Jersey mom of two from Nutley who thinks if you’ve lived in New Jersey for 10 or more years, it should be against the law to say you’re from New York. Tara is a writer and information architect for the web, sometime blogger and published essay-writer, volunteer on town- and school-based green and wellness initiatives, and pal of co-new contributor to JerseyMomsBlog Chris Surretsky (make a note of that name and remind her she knows Tara—T-A-R-A—once her book hits the best-seller list) whose hilarious, skillful, and seemingly effortless writing style Tara wishes she could borrow, even if only on holidays. Hey, a girl can dream, especially if she’s from Jersey.

What Would Lincoln Do?

January 8, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Lincoln is inarguably one of the most important people in history, but not until I watched Spielberg’s Lincoln with my 9-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter did I fully recognize him as a personal hero and role model.

Although Lincoln isn’t a biography, it gives us a round picture of the president, father, husband, and man that Lincoln was. The movie is an epic but deeply personal portrayal of Lincoln’s process of getting the 13th Amendment passed to abolish slavery as the Civil War was ending.

Spielberg’s Lincoln may not be the first movie you think of for family viewing. Your kids (and you, if you’re like me) may be confused by some of the details of the political process and the various players in it. But the significance of Lincoln’s words and deeds transcend those details, giving you a gut-level experience of good and right.

It struck me that we were given principles to live by in Lincoln’s example, and now we can ask ourselves, what would Lincoln do?

Listen to and fundamentally respect everyone without suffering fools gladly.

While guarding his boundaries, Lincoln gave reasonable time and consideration to all people without regard for differences like status, position, race, and gender.

Don’t bend to the will of a group that thinks it knows more than you do but doesn’t.

After thoughtful consideration of the opinions of his cabinet, Lincoln appropriately exerted his authority to pursue passage of the 13th Amendment.  It never would have happened otherwise.

Don’t give up your singleness of purpose even in the face of the seemingly impossible.

The odds were overwhelmingly stacked against convincing Representatives opposed to the 13th Amendment to vote yes. Hired political hands won some with political favors. Lincoln himself quietly converted the rest with a personal moral appeal.

Know when the ends justify the means, and when they don’t.

When the possibility of Confederate delegates in Washington there to end the war nearly stopped the vote on the 13th Amendment, Lincoln crafted a note to the House that was technically true (the delegates were not actually in the city) but strategically deceptive (they’d be on their way at his signal). There are only certain times when the ends justify the means, and Lincoln knew how to discern that.

Take time for the story, especially if it’s funny. [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, Tara Spinelli, Uncategorized

Arrested Development

December 4, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Between bites of Boursin on a Town House at a recent holiday gathering, I suddenly lost my appetite, and the retro cheese platter wasn’t to blame. It was a chilling tale of arrested development that stopped my crunching cold.

A friend recounted a visit from her boyfriend’s grown children during which the 29-year-old son left his dirty underwear in the middle of the living room floor because “there was no hamper in the bedroom” and he “didn’t know where else to put it.”

I already know my 9-year-old son resembles a 29-year-old man in several ways, including his aptitude for negotiation when it comes to getting what he wants and his sarcasm when he doesn’t.

What pulled me up short was how much a 29-year-old man could resemble a 9-year-old boy. Underwear on the floor. A confused expression when asked why. Lame excuses. Sure, some teenage boys I know share obvious similarities with my son, such as blowing their noses in the hand towels, leaving a trail of crumbs and food wrappers, throwing clean clothes in with dirty (and dirty with clean), letting their toenails grow into talons. But a grown man? An adult by all other accounts?

One summer, especially tired of finding wet swim trunks on my wood floors wherever the hapless wearers decided to drop trow, I attempted to institute the Boys to Men program. This was a special disinterest group of Camp Benign Neglect, where all campers are welcome provided their parents agree to our terms of service (which doubles as our motto): “If it ain’t bleeding, don’t fix it.” [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, Humor, Tara Spinelli, Uncategorized

The Power of Suggestion

October 3, 2012 By 7 Comments

My 9-year-old son says he’s worried that I’m going to contract shingles because it’s something “older people like you, mom” can get. He’s happy to report that there’s now a vaccine. No, it’s not effective for everyone, and may cause “difficulty in breathing and swallowing,” but maybe I’d prefer that to a painful, blistering rash.

Why did the FDA ever think it would be a good idea to let drug companies market to consumers, especially on television?

When that ad for Enbrel is over, sure, we’re all relieved that the nice lady can wear short sleeves to the luncheon, but mostly we hope she doesn’t end up with a “serious infection that may lead to hospitalization or death.”

Are the makers of Viagra aware that middle-aged men aren’t the only ones watching baseball games? Maybe they recognize that some youngsters (like my son) could be an excellent source of referrals, rare risk of “a sudden decrease or loss of vision or hearing” aside?

Is it just me, or does your exposure to prescription drug ads have you wondering if SNL’s Chantix spoof is really that far-fetched?

[Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, Humor, Tara Spinelli Tagged With: , ,

I Need a Huggle

August 7, 2012 By 3 Comments

Hugging or kissing as a greeting is like tipping: if, when, and how much aren’t always entirely clear.

As a kid, I hated walking into a big family party because it meant hugging and kissing a lot of people I didn’t see very often or possibly even know at all. Beyond the aunts and uncles and cousins, there would inevitably be someone’s friends or neighbors there, and if I wasn’t sure I knew them, I’d hug and kiss them, too, just to play it safe. I’m not sure where I got the idea that this was required, but I always felt like it was my responsibility to anticipate and deliver the right greeting.

A couple of years ago, my college-age cousin and her roommate from Florida stayed with us for the weekend. Toward the end of their visit, my cousin’s roommate remarked that I had hugged and kissed her when we first met, the kiss part of which she wasn’t used to, but liked and thought was cute. The scary thing is, I didn’t even remember the kiss part. It’s like I go into some kind of fugue state when it comes to hellos, and dive straight in with arms wide and lips pursed. Same for goodbyes, but there I’ve figured out that the later you leave, the fewer people you have to decide whether or not to hug and kiss. It’s a lot easier to hug and kiss a couple of people as they leave than to face a room full of people and have to make the rounds. [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, Humor, Tara Spinelli, Uncategorized

To See or Not to See?

July 17, 2012 By 4 Comments

When my mother invited me to see Alan Cumming in Macbeth at Lincoln Center Festival, I thought it might be a great time for my 12-year-old daughter to experience her first real Shakespeare production. She and her 8-year-old brother are in theater camp this summer—she out of interest and he because siblings were half-price. Lines from various Shakespeare plays have been woven into the original play they’re performing (along with some choice show tunes). Just so happens that some of my daughter’s lines include a passage from Macbeth’s Weird Sisters.

If Macbeth weren’t already one of Shakespeare’s most murderous and grisly stories, in this modern interpretation, Alan Cumming plays a psychiatric patient who appears to have committed a hideous crime of his own and is destined to play out the Macbeth tragedy over and over in the solitary confines of a mental hospital. Cumming masterfully plays all of the roles, having convincing conversations with himself using various props in the room to dramatic advantage. The effect was enthralling and disturbing.

After some hesitation, I decided that my daughter should see the show. In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a Shakespeare fan, so that probably swayed my judgment in the “for” direction over concern about adult themes. My daughter is even named after a character from The Tempest (no, not Caliban). And while she was at a little disadvantage seeing Macbeth without knowing the plot and characters beforehand, there’s something about Shakespeare—the language and themes—that I expected would have positive impact anyway. And it did. Alan Cumming’s Scottish accent didn’t hurt either (or maybe that was just me). [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, Tara Spinelli

Got S’mores?

June 26, 2012 By 2 Comments

Writing you (not-so-)fresh from the conclusion of my daughter’s 12th birthday campout sleepover party. Not sure if it’s the coffee and Synthroid or the campers’ 2:22 a.m. bathroom-snack-gossip interlude (to name one of several middle-of-the-night happenings) that has me feeling exhausted yet jumpy.

Arguments over who sleeps in what tent aside, I think the girls—10 of them—plus a little brother and his 8-year-old wingman all had a good time. (I’m in touch with my operatives—mothers whose daughters tell them everything—to find out for sure. Like me, my own daughter tends to play it close to the vest, so the in-house post-mortem is a little light on content and color.)

Left to my own devices, I might’ve locked the girls out in the yard for the night with some Slim Jims and water from a questionable source (on the premise that figuring out how to desalinate could be a good life skill). Lucky for my daughter and her friends, however, there’s Sergeant Fancy, my pal for more years than I’m permitted to say out loud, and especially not in writing (Fancy’s orders).

Sergeant Fancy earned her officer-ship this party, although the official title is just a formality as her leadership skills have always been actively applied. The Fancy part is testament to her style in party-throwing, and is in sharp contrast to my own moniker Plain (as seen on would-be TV in our imaginary cooking show Plain & Fancy where our renditions of the same dish live up…or down…to the promise of our names).

Thanks to Sergeant Fancy, each girl was greeted at the door with a unique tie-dye t-shirt printed with “Got S’mores? Camp Miranda 2012.” The evening kicked off with snacks, bug juice, and a no-sew pillow-making craft. The tents had been pitched, festooned with lanterns and streamers, and directional signs told campers where to find the mess hall, toilets, first aid, lake, and other camp hotspots. Pizza was served, followed by swimming and s’mores cupcakes. Campers then sidled up to the make-your-own trailmix bar, and took their places for an outdoor screening of Furry Vengeance. Ghost stories around the campfire were followed by s’mores and a game of Manhunt. The girls turned in for the night around 12 and “slept” (read: didn’t sleep at all) until Sergeant Fancy played Reveille at 8 a.m. Breakfast buffet included fruit salad, bagels, and juice. Campers packed up and became their parents’ problem again by 10 a.m. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Humor, Tara Spinelli, Uncategorized

Happy Mother’s Day?

May 29, 2012 By 2 Comments

This Mother’s Day, my 8-year-old son and his classmates made cards for their moms enumerating the 10 reasons they love us. My son’s included these:

#10: I love my mom because she reads me terrific books.

#4: I know my mom cares because she always tries to spend time with me.

#3: I know my mom is smart because she taught me to divide with remainders.

#1: I love my mom because she’s the BEST MOM EVER!

Awwwwwww. So sweet. And he still respects my math skills!

He then went about refuting his own claims…

#10: “Well, really, dad’s the one who reads to me.”

#4: “You really could spend more time with me.”

#3: “You know…”

Hold on there, buddy. Before you dispute my IQ for Mother’s Day, howzabout you…GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN! NOW!

So much for that Hallmark moment.

As I thought about it, though, a holiday like Mother’s Day—or at least what is has become—is a set-up. It tells us how to feel and express ourselves according to an ideal standard. It expects us to put the messier truth aside and serve up platitudes. And when our kids don’t behave perfectly and consistently on a day especially earmarked for us, we’re disappointed.

If truth be told, my son’s commentary is right about #10, #4, and yes, even #3 (yeah, I know what he was going to say). I don’t want platitudes. They might make for nice cards, but only make my real shortcomings feel more stark. I like the truth even when I hate it. I want my kids to feel the same way. [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, Tara Spinelli

The Family Swap

May 9, 2012 By 4 Comments

If the words “family swap” conjure images of you and your cherubs cowering in a lean-to in Appalachia while the Clampetts skin squirrels in your Great Room, I suspect you’ve watched as much reality TV as I have.

(Speaking of…ask me about my Reality TV Rehab Program [results may vary]. No, you cannot watch the Housewives. No, not even Orange County. Yes, I know it’s the original one, and I also want to know all about how Vicki feels during her daughter’s health crisis or if Alexis’ nose surgery was really medically necessary or how Gretchen does in Vegas as a Pussycat Doll, but it’s time to move on. Repeat after me: PBS.)

No, by family swap, I mean a way for you to get all the extra stuff you thought you needed when you bought it into the hands of people who can actually use it. In the process, you have some family- and community-oriented fun as you gather to give away what you don’t need and take what you do. [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Family, Humor, NJ Fun, Tara Spinelli

Be Prepared-My Life as Hunger Games

April 4, 2012 By Leave a Comment

If I were a Tribute in the Hunger Games, sure, I’d love to be Katniss Everdeen, girl on fire, victor, revolutionary. More likely, though, I’d be Tribute #5 who gets killed about 11 seconds after she steps off the platform into the arena. Boom goes the cannon as my unmemorable face appears ever so briefly in the sky. Poor…what was her name again?

I recently stumbled upon Season 2 of Discovery’s The Colony, a reality show in which diverse volunteers have to work together to survive a simulated global catastrophe that is threatening civilization with extinction. This controlled experiment, as the producers call it, takes place somewhere in the Louisiana Bayou in a sort of bombed-out ghost town without running water, electricity, communication tools, or government.

The cast includes Sally the auto mechanic; Deville the retired contractor; Amber the logger; George the artist/inventor; Jim the carpenter; Reno the construction worker; Michael the anatomy instructor; Sian the teacher; and even Becka the model (who has proven that you can look hot in dirty camo shorts AND be bad ass). Also, hiding among the others for an entire month without detection, there’s Tick the ex-marine sniper.

Together, they’ve made a power plant out of pig carcasses and a broken tractor, fought intruders with handmade weapons, built a windmill, negotiated for release of a hostage, wrestled and killed an alligator for food, rebuilt a boat…all before a breakfast of fried cockroaches.

These death-of-democracy and post-apocalyptic scenarios have me thinking: just what skills do I have to offer under extreme circumstances? [Read more...]

Filed Under: "Un"Culture, Tara Spinelli Tagged With: , ,

See for Yourself

March 26, 2012 By 2 Comments

Have you ever stepped in dog poop, and even though there was little doubt that’s what it was, sniffed your shoe just to be sure?

What compels some of us to see, hear, taste, smell for ourselves to be completely convinced? Seems disgust may not always be a deterrent to the see-for-yourselfer, but you’d think the threat of danger would be. The Darwin Awards—acknowledging the stupidest ways that people have inadvertently killed themselves—prove otherwise.

Speaking of… [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Tara Spinelli
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