In the past three months, 4 women I know have had miscarriages.
No one knows what it’s like to lose a baby that was growing inside of you, except for the women who have. I don’t know what it feels like so I will not attempt to speak about it here.
But what I will say is that those of us who have had a friend miscarry may not be able to relate to her loss — but we certainly can contribute to being part of her recovery.
People are so uncomfortable with death. They have no idea what to say, so sometimes they say nothing at all. And here, we are dealing with the death of a young life.
Here’s what NOT to say:
Maybe it’s all for the best.
God must have a new angel up there.
There will be other babies.
These statements come off as trite and even hurtful. Of course there will be other babies. But this woman just lost THIS baby. HER baby. And it’s important to remind her that her child’s life, however short, was meaningful. She needs to grieve this loss, and if she’s your friend, you need to support her.
So how can you do this?
My dear friend Sue has a plaque that she keeps at her work station. It reads “Attention everyone, this is God. I will be solving all of your problems today. I do not require your help.”
I really love my cool new coven of mommy friends that I acquired just by popping out a kid. Women I barely knew and with whom I had little in common, have, over the past 2 years, become some of my closest friends – in large part simply because we’ve both procreated. We’re sharing the same profound, oft humorous experience so there’s always something to talk about.
