After reading CC Fowler’s recent post entitled “Secrets to Healthier Living” about the importance of hanging out with girlfriends, I felt inspired to write something. Before having kids I was not the social type. I preferred time alone or just being with my husband and pup. The need to meet new people was something I never felt was necessary.
Then I got pregnant. And along with giving birth to my twin boys I experienced a sort of personal rebirth. All of a sudden I felt a desperate need to reach out and connect to people, particularly other Moms. Part of the reason for this was because I was in my late thirties expecting twins and knew very few people in the same boat. My friends had kids approaching their early teens so while I was obsessing over which formula was best, they were worried about cell phones and such.
So Operation “find friends” was underway. I didn’t just “put myself out there,” I threw myself. I looked for new friendships everywhere. Besides joining a Moms of Multiples group, I joined a temple and signed up for Yoga classes– not to mention the countless Mommy & “Us” classes I did with the tots. All the while wondering what the heck happened to the girl who was content to curl up with a good book and her dog.
I was feeling all together confused with this new person I had become. With two infants to care for and a job freelancing from home for a local magazine, why was I feeling so lonely and unfulfilled? Where did I go? Was I alone (pun anyone?) in feeling this way?
The current climate I find myself in now is a strange one. I have pulled back from trying to friend the universe but I have not gone back to my anti-social ways either. It reminds me of my senior year in high school when we relocated to a new town and I was forced to start all over. Let’s just say I spent countless lunches in the library by myself with a book in one hand and sandwich in the other. This is what it feels like for me (at times) to be a new “old” Mom. Simply put, I have not found my tribe.
Have you noticed the phenomenon among most Moms these days? Most of their friends are their kid’s friend’s parents. Whether this is out of convenience or something more I am not sure. Of course it makes sense, especially when talking about toddlers who are too young to go on play dates without you. I know when I meet someone new the first question out of my mouth is, “How old are your children?” If they are within a couple of years of my own kids and I happen to like this person, then we have a match. And if our husbands happen to connect, well then we’ve hit the lottery.
So while I continue my quest for new and meaningful friendships, I’ve got two little boys by my side who on most days think I am the bomb. Yesterday while sitting on the floor helping one of them construct a grand Lego tower he looked up at me, all serious brown eyes and said “Mommy, you are my best friend.” At that moment that was more than enough for me.
This is an original post for Jersey Moms Blog.