This August marks two years that we’ve been out of our home, displaced by a renovation we hoped would only take 8 months. Not so. Is it ever? We’re in a holding pattern at half-complete. Sorry neighbors, left and right, and across the street who just moved in, and 2 doors down trying to sell!
We moved to Red Bank with big dreams, into an affordable 2-family, century-old home. Two children later, we break ground to renovate. I remind myself it’s about the journey, not the destination. Well, truth be told, my husband reminds me. As often as he needs to – which is very often. While this isn’t his ideal, he’s more comfortable with the uncomfortable. Me… not so much Dora the Explorer. I’m a prudent and pragmatic planner. I balance the checkbook, dot the I’s and cross the T’s. And every day I wonder, “How’d I get here?”
Not the contractors fault. Or the husband’s. Economy. Old House. Poor Timing. Not enough foresight on all that could happen. So here we are, hoping for something to give. We just want back in. We know it’ll happen.
I visit the house to pick up mail or tend to things, and feel that familiar, hollow pain… like a 16yr old girl with her first heart-break. I feel loss and hope intertwined. I try not cry when I’m there – keeping it positive whenever I speak of our “situation”. I miss the camaraderie on the block. I miss my overgrown wild-flower garden. I miss my creaky, paint-peeled porch. I miss my home.
But I’m also reminded daily that “home” is in my heart… and in the light of my children’s eyes… and in strength of my husband’s soul. “Home” is reading books and cuddling at bedtime…or lounging on the couch on a lazy, rainy Sunday. And lucky for us, we do have access to our couch and some books. In these two years since our move, the kids have known 3 different residences. And I realize that each one, we’ve been able to make a “home”. Maybe there’s a lesson for me in this after all.
So here we are, just waiting for the door to open and an opportunity to pick up where we left off.
More than anything, we want to give him that little-boys-only-hide-out we promised, right underneath the staircase with a secret entrance and all… where he’ll probably store his massive Star Wars Lego collection, fishing tackle box and teach his baby brother all about being a Jedi Warrior.
Oh, if I can just summon my own inner Jedi and pull us through this. Obi-Wan, where are you?
Must…find…the Force!
This is an original post for JerseyMomsBlog.
What a fabulous read! And a very heartwarming one as well….brought a tear to my eye
Once again, “teann” have a very happy birthday!! Miss u & hope to see u soon!
Having lived in six houses in 8 years, we hold fast the firm belief that Home is the people within the four walls. The four walls are secondary and wherever they are we are just lucky we have them.
That said, this is so not easy. I’m proud of you and admire your strength. That is what you are giving your children. The fortitude and positive attitude that will carry them through the bumps and unfinished business of their lives as well.
Cheers to you mom-for a job well done.
Can’t wait to celebrate you when you are back in your newest home. I know you will be there.
Your the best mom for showing and teaching your boys that “home” is where you make it. Your doing a great job and you will find the force, think you already have it! You should be so proud of yourself!!!! Great website too
Teicia – Always know that to your family… YOU are home.
I hear you daughter…and I pray that the Force will arrive soon!!!