Though many people still don’t get “Social Media”, most everyone is in it, whether they know it or not (mostly) thanks to Facebook- even my Mother.
My Mother (along with many of her friends) discovered Facebook last year- and she was LOVING IT. Every day she found a new friend she hadn’t seen in 15+ years, and one by one they started organizing reunions, girls nights, get togethers- it was all gumdrops and rainbows- at first.
But as she became more active in the Facebook community, in addition to these friends she rarely got to see, she also was “friending” people she saw every day- her inner circle of friends- and after they declared their friendship to the Facebook world, something started to change.
In lieu of a phone call, she would get a wall message “How are the kids?”.
Instead of a get together, she would get a private message “How was your mother’s day?.
Soon all phone calls, lunches and real face to face interaction became less frequent and excuses of ” but I facebooked you” became more common place. Little by little these straws broke the camel’s back. So this week, all of us who are her Facebook friend saw this in our news stream.
“I will be going through my friends list and de-friending some people, if you are one of the chosen few PLEASE do not think of it as ending our friendship think of it as trying to SAVE it. We’re going back to PRE-Facebook days, Socialization..old school”
Now a few things took me back by this statement- A.) The fact that the word “defriended” has become an actual word – that even my mother is using. and B.) Socialization – Old School??…
BLASPHAMOUS. Does she know her daughter is a blogger- hello?? Social Media pumps through my veins.
But even I had to sit back and wonder, did she have a point?
Are we not only using social media, as a tool to keep in touch with those we don’t see all the time but to replace our every day interactions with our closest friends and family? If so, this is definitely not O.K. …. Though I must add it is however, A-OK with me to have replaced those annoying “Merry Christmas” mass text messages we’d all get every holiday. Which brings me to my next point- Is Facebook really to blame? or is this something that has been slowly simmering for years starting with emails and text messaging?
Facebook, Text messaging, Twitter- they are all social tools…. keyword being - TOOLS.
I know for me, I try to pick up the phone when I can, arrange more get togethers when I can… but I think the trouble behind it all- for everyone- not just me, is just that WHEN WE CAN. In 2010, it seems sometimes we are in a DeLorean moving at lightening speed, multi-tasking more than any generation before.
During last months EVO Conference, we spoke with the producers of the Oprah show about how many of us have become “Media Snackers” due to the fact that there is so much information being fed to us on a daily basis via the internet. Today more of us are just skimming for the bottom line to move on to the next. Especially, Moms – who have been professional multi-taskers for decades.
But my mother’s bold Facebook message made me wonder, are we doing the same with our friendships? Are some of our most valued friendships becoming just another media snack for us through out the day as we skim our Facebook newsfeed?
This is an original post for JerseyMomsBlog by Corine, aka Complicated Mama.
Corine,
Great topic and I think about it often, is all this social media making us less connected and more alone. Anyway, love your writing, keep it up.
I also went through a “de-friending” period after I realized that I am reading about people who I lost touch with for a reason. I was spending precious time keeping up on their lives while ignoring some of the people who mean the most to me.
This is something that has been on my mind for a while.
I had a close friend who used to send me the longest texts instead of picking up the phone and chatting. When I mentioned it to her she glossed over it and didn’t appear to actually grasp that good relationships can not exist on texts alone. Ironically I received a text from her later that day meant for someone else bitching about our conversation. Came back and bit her on the bum.
If someone really means something to you take the time to show them that.
Good on your mum, that’s a bold message I can only respect.
Wow. Great post. How true this is! Even in our own house we have been known to use Facebook to communicate with each other in different rooms rather than get up from the computer!
Yesterday, my daughter and I actually spent an entire day away from the computer and it was both a productive and enjoyable day. I’m definitely going to have more days like this going forward.
Time to do some de-friending
So well written Corine!
Lately, like your mom, I have been trying to call my friends.
I also find it so sad that no one writes letters anymore, just emails. When I was in college, I used to get and send so many hand-written letters, everything about it. Buying pretty cards and stationery, the anticipation of receiving mail, the joy knowing someone would look in their mailbox to find a letter of mine. It is sad to think about how technology has changed us so much, for the better and the worse.
I would call you and discuss this further, but I’m not privy to the number, so I’ll use this blog to comment.
Very recently, I wrote a note to someone who has been texting me but never calls. NEVER. I basically said: “There is no reason why you can’t call. Stop keeping this so impersonal and just pick up the phone when you want to go out.”
I’ve also fallen into this cycle of avoiding personal contact, though. Sometimes, I just don’t feel like talking on the phone. Sometimes, it’s easier to send a quick text or email. For the longest time, I was well-known in my circle of friends for sending “secret” voicemails, where I would log into my voicemail and silently send a message.
I’m hoping this will change, but I don’t see it changing for any of us any time soon.
I do think your mom has a very valid point but on the flip side, I have found that social networking, or Facebooking if u will, has saved some relationships. Sometimes it’s just easier to reach out thru an email, IM, FB wall post or private message….in fact, it may give some people the ability to say things more freely or openly. But I do think it’s Important to know when u should reach out the “old school” way. When the message gets lost in translation there can be everlasting consequences u may not be able to recover from. If we know when & when not to utilize our social networking tools, and with whom of course, we should all be ok